THE TOWER OF BRAHMA: Chapter 5 - Lost Among the Lambs (edit)

02/22/04

I feel dementia setting in. It's come around knocking, like an old friend stopping by innocently enough to catch up on times past. Under cover of a long, lost friend this parasitical leech has sucked you dry of the positive lifeforce flow you've built up.

I find myself attempting to engage people in conversations to find them always ring false, to find myself too concerned with the particulars to actually have a moment where my mind bridges the gap between us. I long for connection between my solitary world and the world of people. To find that my perception of reality is relatable to another.

This has led to a number of awkward stammers and random looks. A whole parade of falsities and surface skimming. I have been unable so far to pierce the veil of fractured, broken Self-ness and find a true connection with another Mind here. I find myself alone among the loneliest, and sad among the saddest. Where is my contact? Where am I going?

I doubt myself and the mission.