The Tower of Brahma: Chapter 54 - nine times the remainder (edit)

12/15/08

The truth is I'm just a fucked up writer sitting in his apartment who's desperately lonely. You see, I'm dead.

I choked to death when I was five years old. These are the sixty-four circles of personal hell that I must descend. Welcome to my final act.

I do want to kill myself. It's become unbearable. I've dragged my aching bones past social anxiety to no avail. I can talk to you now, but I can not communicate. My ideas don't fit into consensus reality. I don't know why but it makes me heave with sobs.

Back spasming, feels like you could be laughing, but there's a release of tension around your eyes, and tear ducts flood. If you can imagine something sad, listen to the saddest song mix you've made, maybe you'll be blessed with the salvation of release.

To feel. To sleep. To not cuddle the blanket around me, alone, again. The way you wanted it. The way you knew it always would be. You fell straight down. Didn't touch anyone for miles, then bouncing, and skidding, ricocheting off one another, a hand slows you down, reaching out, those last moments with lost memories, til your friends, til your family, stop you and take hold of your hand.

Hold on son.

Is there hope for me? Can I be redeemed? Can any one of us? I save you, and everyone must save me? If I don't die, then I must live. A program switch hits my brain. Have I hit rock bottom? Is this what it looks like? Another cave, lost among urban decay, glittering the ugly, the geek, the dork...your terrain.

You chose to be one of them long ago. You told yourself, and others that it was indeed a choice, not to play basketball with the jocks, but instead find role-playing and comic books. What were you before then? A mindless observer. A mimic.

Brain death restarts the humanity in my people. I don't know who we are, or where we come from, but my father knows exactly what I mean. As did his father. Giant turbines groan endlessly on in our minds. Something started our intellectual evolution, a program written, hypnotized through spectacle, encoded on our neurons.

AC/DC switch currents frequency simulation reverse man. Press the button and make it happen. I rid my life of the abscesses of my soul. I cut back on coffee, and I will quit smoking, never, but yeah I should.

I want to love someone. Honestly and truly. I want someone who's looking for someone. To give themselves over to me and me to her. In every single possible way. We will be perfect symbiotic erotically charged pistons firing psionic bliss. One being who is love unbound.

I hope people can appreciate this book. It would mean they appreciate me. And if at least one person gets it, or gets anything from this book, then I have done my duty as a human being. Crafted my ideas into form and function to move you and tell you my story. This is me, hiding behind words. I hope you like me.