Social Anxiety is ruining my life, though it won't stop me from living it

I have, to this day, extreme anxiety. It takes a lot to distract me from overanalyzing and deconstructing everything around me, and back in the day when I wrote this, I was so overwhelmingly depressed that of course I was writing this horrible, lonely existence for myself. At the bathroom at work I would read comic books and practice feeling at peace on those extended breaks in that small stall.

When I was about 25 I began really physically feeling the anxiety, which left me on a daily rotation of home, work, home, and occasionally the mall if I felt up to challenging myself. I would try and force myself to go into stores I had never been in before. Sometimes I couldn't do it, standing outside the entrance, gift card in hand, sweating and moments from throwing up.

I'm not sure where it stems from, my dad and sister though have their own anxieties and physical manifestations  but mine were mostly mental and emotional, paralyzing me into isolation. I still can't believe that I would go on to do so many insanely frightening things as documented in the following chapters, and still to this day I can't wrap my head around the fact that this is my life.

THE TOWER OF BRAHMA: Chapter 8 - Sitting Alone (edit)

03/04/04