the Tower of Brahma - an Agent Fenris novel

Between October 2003 and June 2010 I wrote the following memoir that reads like a scattershot action conspiracy thriller. From essays to poetry to prose explosions upon the page, it was whatever was happening to me, what will continue to happen to me, and how I die. A self-emulating delusion of pure panic attack purity, written while downing beers, smoking, dancing, fucking, lying face down on sidewalks, curled fetal in pain, sweating and swearing, loving as hard as I fucking could in the East Village. I climbed a mountain, got tattoos, went back to school, and saw the inside of a psych ward.

But when I started, I was 27 years old, depressed in a long term relationship, had self-published a graphic novel of cult status, but had no friends outside the comic circuit which left for long, lonely hours in a dark, basement apartment, smoking and watching Asian Cinema and whatever insanity Netflix held within it's disc library (pre-instant queue, imagine!), and I dove back into a screenplay I had written in college. Robert Rodriguez was my hero, and so I slapped onto the page two tough guy Tarantino black suited badasses thrown into a dark buddy secret agent throwdown to end the world  and let it sit.

Six years later, I returned to the scenes I had written, and re-imagined it as an action thriller prose pulp novel as written by a lost Beat poet. The first chapter below is where it all began. And when I started writing, I found that I'd become physically and spiritually ill if I didn't continue. Tragedy would befall me until I staved off absolute calamity once more with words channeled from brazen drunken enlightenment. Everything changed and I became fictional. If you've known me since I moved to the city, well you're probably in here under guise of archetypes, and this was what was going on in my head as we rambled from bar to dance floor and back again.

the Tower of Brahma - Prelude
written October 16, 2010