This book should be called Alone At A Bar

Tower of Brahma - Christ, This is Easy - 62.c (of 64) [edit]

5/3/10

I think the consistent pattern here is that Agent Fenris & Spider have adventures, as does Charles Crown eventually, for awhile and then the realness of being alone and sitting at a bar, slightly drunk and writing quietly to myself as everyone else mingles and talks. I remember this being a peak social anxiety time. I would get immense chest pains and throw up sometimes as I would try and leave the apartment to go out somewhere.

I was working night shift so it was easier to come home at 6am, killing time sitting at my work desk and leaving just before the morning crew came in. It was a lot less suspect going back to Clinton Hill at sunrise than even just an hour or two before. I remember a lot of time spent sitting and waiting for the G train at Hoyt–Schermerhorn, derelicts and drunks prowling the station.

I was depressed. I felt disconnected. The relationship was over, all I had was this book I was writing, and it was almost over, and nothing was happening. I was crumbling, though it was still a comfort to comfort others. It's what held me together for so long. Until it couldn't anymore.