Live from New Jersey, Existential Realignment

The Tower of Brahma 41 - The Rock'n'Roll Chemistry Within My Brain. (edit)

12/01/05

After a year in NYC, I had worked for the paparazzi for six months before quitting and raging it out, from Colombia to Coachella, getting tattooed and proper pissed drunk. Eventually I ran out of money and said goodbye to my ex Diana atop the Empire State Building, then left for Boston Comicon with no idea what to do with myself. Jobless, single, and on the verge of giving up comic books forever, I moved in with some friends in New Jersey.

I was getting some unemployment but by the time this chapter was written it was all but gone. I would throw the last of my money into the gas tank of my Mitsubishi Eclipse and drive off to job interviews, then detour out to NYC to sleep on my future roommate Jared's floor in the East Village. I had no idea what I was going to do, and other than a few moments of panic, I really didn't worry about it too much. I knew I'd have to get back to the city somehow.

This chapter was written while staying at my friend Lee's house in East Orange, NJ. It was nice to feel a part of his friends and family out there, but I never really let myself belong anywhere. I was seeking a direction, a purpose, an entire new existence after the year I spent with Diana running all across NYC and enjoying all the splendors of its non-stop insanity, while also getting some harsh lessons on how to be a grown-up.

Hard Boiled Self-Loathing Lothario

the tower of brahma - chapter 40 - anti-matter jazz (edit)

08/22/05

I really love this chapter. My life was one year deep into NYC and it was changing drastically again. I had met a Aussie-Brit and suddenly I was feeling like I was on top of the chaos, riding it effortlessly. So I made myself cool. I went all noir detective, dive bar beatdown, walking the beats of the poetic action straight into the inner core of myself.

The aspects I wished to find in myself: the Artist, the Rockstar, the Warrior, the Assassin, and the Writer, were all reduced to action movie cliches as I tried to cut through to what this book meant, what I was trying to accomplish, what it meant to be Agent Fenris...

Spider takes a more active yet submissive role from here on. In fact this chapter is written from the Charles Crown persona, trying to make it all so fantastic that it's somehow easier to digest.

Spiders. Everywhere. Poisoned.

The Tower of Brahma: Chapter 39 - The Spiders (edit)

07/02/05

I fear spiders. Like more than death fear spiders. Agent Spider in the story is based on Timothy Mucci, my childhood friend, who is obsessed with the pulp hero the Spider, who is a lunatic crimefighter of dark origin. I had intended to change it in the original screenplay when I thought of a better name, but years later I looked it over with fresh eyes, owning the fear of spiders for a moment.

So I imagined my worst nightmare. To be covered with spiders every night while I slept, stung by their venomous bites, kept sedated and drowsy, unable to resist, fight back, muster any passion. Part of this is a nod to Once And Future King where Arthur is sent into the mind of various animals to understand the mappings of various lifeforms to explain the concept of As Above, So Below. The other part is an explanation as to why I really did sleep my life away, and I did often have bug bites in my sleep.

Later I would re-imagine the spider's venom as an injection they would give the super secret agent kid version of Fenris when they decommission him. You'll read more of that backstory in the third act.

Back to my first year in NYC, Reborn as a new man

Tower of Brahma: chapter 38 - episode 39 (edit)

04/27/05

So, now we jump back a few years, to the next chronologically written chapter since 31. I hadn't written a chapter since November 2004, and so much life had been lived in that five months. The "lost chapters" (32-37) of The Tower of Brahma were written from February 2006 to June 2007. I debated on ordering the chapters chronologically, but in the service to the overall story I present them as chapters decreed themselves to come out of me.

When I started writing again I chose to leap ahead to chapter 38, that being my lucky/favorite/destined number. A lot of the numbers I ascribe a meaning to, and the three here represents the three act structure of storytelling, and the eight is a sideways infinity symbol, saying that there is an infinite amount of stories to be told. The female mentioned here is Diana, my first girlfriend in NYC, the reason I am the man I am today for many reasons, not the least of which because she sat with me as I cried endlessly at 151 in the LES at this time.

I didn't even know why I wept so hard, so many things, little things, everything, it just was feelings erupting from me. The yoga, mountain climb, and Coachella experience really helped me open up my chest chakra which I felt was closed so many years ago in High School. The person I became at this moment is who I consider myself to be ultimately to this day.

The Last of the "Lost Chapters"

Tower of Brahma - 37 - the Last Story (edit)

06/27/07

This is my pure action scene, Act II opens with a major bit of carnage and destruction, ala Die Hard or Mission Impossible. This is what essentially the first incarnation of The Tower of Brahma was, a secret agent action buddy flick, an over-the-top adventure into the heart of apocalyptic conspiracies. The truth is I was out in the LES, bored, and wanted to see if I could pull of maintaining the meta-fictional aspects of the book so far, while also poetically pulling off realistic action scenes.

Or not so realistic. But either way, this is the last of the "lost chapters" written years later, reflecting on my first year living in NYC.

My swap with the devil was no big deal

Tower of Brahma - 36 - forgetful faust (edit)

06/26/07

There was a lot of Faustian influence in my life in 2005. I recall the German film with marionettes, the Tim Vigil comic book of a razor clawed madman, the point in my life where I just wanted it all to change and be crazy and amazing. This chapter was written almost just about 64 days shy of two years after I had climbed a mountain in Colombia, a moment I consider to be the most pivotal change thus far in my life.

Whatever damage was in my head I knew that I could write my way out of it. The Devil seemed about as epic a villain as I could manage to take down. I am nothing if not overly ambitious. But I'm also patient and able to string together words enough to make some major changes in my life. I literally wrote this book to save my life. And now I edit and collect it in order to save it once again.

Our story so far...

The Tower of Brahma: 35 - interruption (edit)

07/11/06

Here I was trying to poetically summarize the plot so far, build the overall fictional conspiracy plot, whatever that was to evolve into, well, you'll have to read on but it covers everything up to and including the end of humanity. We open with a short story from High School about an assassin that fakes being crazy to enter an asylum in order to fulfill his contract, to how renewed I felt physically, but also was a drunken mess my first year in the city, that somehow I knew it would all work out, and that I forgotten it all so as to enjoy the ride.

How little I knew then where it would all lead. I regret a lot, but mostly I regret that which I didn't do, missed opportunities. I've always gone forward with hope, generosity, and the best of intentions, and that lead me to exactly where you'd expect, where I fight for my soul up until the end of this novel. Of course, the next book is living with said soul.

Poetry from Beyond Mythological Times

The tower of brahma - thirty4 - existence is futile (edit)

05/08/06

I don't write poetry as often as I should. I need to just feel it and then let it go and say what needs saying, however it needs to be said. This is the second of the "lost chapters" of the Tower of Brahma. Written a year later I was trying to recall, reflect, and determine what the personal mythology of all these symbols I surrounded myself with.

I focused on Fenrir, the wolf god, child of Loki, slayer of Odin All-Father, bringer of Ragnarok. My friend had labeled me Fenris years ago during a Dungeons & Dragons campaign. It appealed to my canine nature, and I didn't think much of it over the years. But when I looked back at the original screenplay, the ideas & concepts in the story, I started to deconstruct myself.

Then I took notes in poetry. A great sampling of my wordplay and structure.

Enlightenment via Textual Testament

the Tower of Brahma - thirtythree - hourglass + gear = fractal wormhole (edit)

02/26/06

Thus begins the "lost chapters" of The Tower of Brahma. When I was living in NYC, well, things got crazy fast. I was unemployed by Valentine's Day, atop a Mountain by St. Patrick's Day, and in LA in time for Coachella. And drunk at open bars in-between. Not a lot of time to record what was happening.

When I did restart writing chapters, I knew that stuff had happened that would need addressing in the lost moments of non-writing. So I jumped ahead to my favorite number 38 and by mid-2005 I was back on track writing furiously to save my soul. Chapters 33-37 I wrote later in 2006, trying to reflect on this point in my life as if I was observing myself objectively, distancing myself from the writer Charles Crown.

This is a chapter where I try and play with perception, building an impossible evolving word game revelation. My main reason for writing this book is to achieve whatever level of enlightenment one can gain from writing their journey and overcoming pre-conceived notions of reality, while maintaining your sanity.