So yeah, here I was still mad at everyone, though I would come to see how it was my resentment building towards my own cowardice and frailty of self. I guess I still carry that anger now, but rather than turn into a rampaging beast, I am fully embracing the saying that "the best revenge is success", and if that means I can get even with my maker for making such a dysfunctional being by becoming an enlightened buddha, perhaps that's what he intended all along.
Monday, March 4, 2013
I guess I kind of hate everyone.
I'm like Hulk level angry underneath. I'm very nice, but I am also one of the quiet ones. Usually so pleasant in my invisibility. Socially, I was so filled with rage that I was so affected by everything everyone was doing to me, only they weren't doing it to me, but that's how being an overly sensitive introverted writer with a serious persecution complex interprets it. Social anxiety is like quietly drowning. You want to call out for help, though no one will get it, most often trivialize it, which makes you regret bringing it up at all. Then you punish yourself for needing, for asking, for not being able to just make it go away.
So yeah, here I was still mad at everyone, though I would come to see how it was my resentment building towards my own cowardice and frailty of self. I guess I still carry that anger now, but rather than turn into a rampaging beast, I am fully embracing the saying that "the best revenge is success", and if that means I can get even with my maker for making such a dysfunctional being by becoming an enlightened buddha, perhaps that's what he intended all along.
So yeah, here I was still mad at everyone, though I would come to see how it was my resentment building towards my own cowardice and frailty of self. I guess I still carry that anger now, but rather than turn into a rampaging beast, I am fully embracing the saying that "the best revenge is success", and if that means I can get even with my maker for making such a dysfunctional being by becoming an enlightened buddha, perhaps that's what he intended all along.
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