Then comes a flashback to chapter 7 when Fenris first sees Spider waiting on line. He projects himself into that first moment of seeing his other side, the angry, intense, hatred for all of humanity that wanted to destroy the world to put it out of its misery. I was unable to really shoulder all this anger I had in me, so having Spider carry it was a great relief to my day to day life.
This is also a flashback to the very first fight I was involved in. There was this fat kid in our group of friends in high school called Mike Mastermaker. He was an artist so had an in with the older cool kids, which is why when it came to me, he was just a bully, afraid I'd expose or outdo him somehow. He would constantly punch and batter me about, while I looked much like Shaggy from Scooby-Doo, a long haired hippy.
It lead to me finally unleashing as much physical violence I could muster to beat him as badly as I could. And I did. And when our friends ditched him the next few weeks, well I unleashed again, this time telling him the truth. That he was an asshole that no one wanted to be around. It changed his life, he told me years later, and I had bested a bully, also our gamemaster.
It also touches upon when he head butted me later in school, effectively closing off my heart chakra, so I couldn't feel anything the following year when I had my first bad break-up, had someone kill himself over me, and lost my grandmother to cancer. For years the numbness I felt was something I couldn't forgive myself for, and so made the decision to not be happy, and to stifle myself, to surround myself with those who would reject me.
He also named me Fenris in a Dungeons & Dragons campaign. A true gamemaster does tests your limits, and he, as much as I hated his approach, taught me all I know about myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment