Therapy Fantasy Fiction with Freemason Rites

The Tower of Brahma: Chapter 32 - the Widow's Son (edit)

06/13/07

This is a tough chapter to talk about. I have a lot of issues with my father. He was horrible, a passive aggressive older brother that never let me be cool, always tearing me down whenever he could, making it all a big joke so I couldn't even be upset. He took me aside at age 11 and told me he wouldn't be my father going forward, in so many words. So I had no real male role model, and even my friends preferred his company, as they could talk muscle cars.

During the early chapters of this novel my father became a Freemason out of nowhere. He was losing it a bit after my mother left him, and they seemed to help prop him up a bit. But he had invited me out after us not talking for awhile, to a bring-a-brother night at his lodge, though that same day a guy was shot and killed in a Freemason initiation ritual. I took it as a sign.

He's continued to play an antagonistic role in my life, even after AA, and then hospitalization. I live in fear every day that he may just appear in my life thinking whatever fantasy is in his head. If he's read any of this, or my family has, I will officially state that I wrote this chapters as therapy for myself, channeling Freemason ritual information that I read about, and removing all the negative feelings I had about him when I realized he had later invited me over to dinner to have me sit and talk with one of his fellow brothers who was also into comics.

It all felt super scary manipulative, and I couldn't handle it when my life in NYC was so chaotic on top of it all. This chapter was written way after a lot of the following chapters. I had given up writing with chapter 31, knowing that 32 must be to discuss this experience.