The Tower of Brahma Chapter 57.1 - Choose Your Delusion (edit)
(commentary)At this point I was looking back over the past 56 chapters and really began to tie it all together into one cohesive continuity, a fable carved from my subconscious, a mythology that was tailored to fit perfectly. So take one part secret agent (my obsessive childhood fantasy), color it with Norse Mythology ala Fenrir, the Wolf of Ragnarok (my dog-like nature/childhood trauma dog bite mixed with feeling guilty for existing, always feeling like I ruined my father's life by being born), and create a female character, half adversary, half companion (to deal with my failed relationships and idealization of females).
The female was Jasmine 'Jazz' Jones, aka Agent Strange. A composite of many female figures ranging from Scarlet in GI Joe, La Femme Nikita, an ex many years gone, to the girl I had just begun dating, who I proposed to way too quickly (after I lost my job). We met on Match.com, things had just gone really south with me and my dad that past Christmas, I went to Europe and came back in debt and jobless, and she was insane. At first, in the best way possible. Then it got old fast, but for some reason I loved her. We had a friendship there that I just can't remember now.
I really begin fleshing out the core idea of who I am, at least what problem I have with existence, as far as I know it to be: Feral instincts in a blank slate of a young child, removed from humanity by temporary brain death vs. Artificial Intelligence inserted and programmed to help develop a personality. I've always been emotional, yet felt so removed from what actual emotions were, constantly questioning what was genuine, and yet naively believing every word I was told. How was a brain supposed to function under those conditions?
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