A poker player with too many tells

Tower of Brahma 52 - House of Cards (first draft) [edit]

7/16/08

I'm not much of a Poker player, but I knew chapter fifty two had to be about cards. It all seemed to fit when Scott (Sean) started flipping cards, and Jose (Juan) began writing a novel. I never did play cards with them all, but the idea of being competing writers was starting to rise up in my head. I was comparing myself to all them, measuring my successes and failures by what I imagined theirs to be. I had to kill them, metaphorically speaking, in order to move forward and start feeling confident in my own ability.

If anything that's what this book is all about. Killing off all these other versions of people in my life, ending this fictional world's existence, and therefore somehow purging myself of the impulse, leaving room for a redefinition of everyone and everything. It's still a work in progress, but it helped significantly over the years. At this point, I was about to head to my last San Diego Comicon, and ending my time at the New School due to a misfiled FAFSA, not to mention finally ending things with the girl who destroyed me utterly.

From here I begun to steadily decline, for in six months my life would just start to hit the lowest point, finding myself hopeless in the face of trying to improve my life by going back to school and finding friends. Whatever I needed to do going forward I would have to do it alone, though I tried desperately to make that not so, an act that I'm sure fed right into that self-fulfilling prophecy.