the tower of brahma - 45 - grinning beginning (edit)
Something I failed to mention in the last few chapter commentaries is the idea that I was being forced to write this book. At this point in my life I wanted to give up all creative endeavors, having gone back to the paparazzi photo agency for work, getting drunk on the weeknights off, losing myself on the dancefloors of random dive bars. I was happy there. Until I wasn't.
And I'd always have to come back to this story. Another unfinished masterpiece. A dead graphic novel in my wake, I was done with trying to do anything other than be happy and live my life. Having dreams and ambition consumes you in a way that I never could handle without some manner of payoff, and you only get that when you finish something.
So if I didn't write a chapter I would feel this self-destructive impulse rise up, and only in the writing and reading of the next chapter could I find solace. But I also didn't know the ending past that it was the ending of everything, the slaying of Odin-All-Father, the oncoming storm of Ragnarok. How could I write an ending to life when there was suddenly so much to live for? Even if it was empty, drunken nights in NYC.
With less than 20 chapters to go, I wasn't even close to a third act, I had just begun the second and it was about to get ridiculous beyond the pages of text I had put down for the previous three years before this one.
Oh, and this was a wish fulfillment chapter that I had to write as my upstairs neighbor was indeed building something all day long as I tried to sleep after the graveyeard shift at work, with an insane tootache, and my first real bout of insomnia.
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