The Tower of Brahma: Chapter 54 - nine times the remainder (edit)
Like I said, dark times as I hit four years in NYC. I still struggle with suicidal impulses. My aunt killed herself, and I can't help but think that there's something genetic, but in reality, the escape from all responsibility, the giving up the struggle that somehow it'll all be worth it, that's really what it's all about.
See, every day of my life is filled with a nearly unbearable sadness, and at the time, an overwhelming sense of guilt that consumed me every moment of every day. Toss on top of that a continual sense of anxiety, and well, if life didn't suck, my physiology/brain certainly made sure it did. I've overcome a lot of hurdles but I also feel like this still to this day. Nowadays it's now and then, and much more related to actual pain and tragedy, but it's still there.
Chapters like this are why I wrote this book in the first place. They helped saved me, thus far. It's also why I assume no one would want to read it, because if I didn't even want to feel it, why the hell would anyone want to read about me suffering through it? I'm hoping the answer to that is because people can relate, and seeing me struggle and overcome it somehow makes it easier for them to conquer their own demons, to want to go out and create to save their own soul.
No comments:
Post a Comment