4/7/09
It was dark times kiddies. Everything was beginning to change again. I was so close to the end, and nearly at the end of my rope. I reached out at this point to see who was there, what friends did I have, and were they able to help me make sense of what my life was becoming. The crazy thing is that I'm not friends with these people anymore, though two I remain close acquaintances of when I see them.
I find my life filled with people I know and am friendly with, but I can't say we're friends. There's something to a friendship that speaks of consistency, of being there for one another, of going out and enjoying each other's company, all things that I rarely have outside of an intimate relationship. But even just a few months in I knew that this relationship I had just begun (with "Agent Strange") was headed down a dark path, and I suppose this was my testing the waters to see if there was anything left of my life.
Not to name names, but John, someone I thought a true friend, all but betrayed me in the last few months. Beth was a girl I met with my friend Reilly, but her drama and mine didn't mix in the end, and Reilly, well I've always felt too damaged to truly be his friend, though most likely my own insecurity in being a weird, mess of a human being. Then Jared, my roommate and hetero-lifemate for many years, and his friend John, who I always felt pangs of jealousy towards because eventually he filled the role I played for so long. Or at least all the good parts, while I still had the lackey status.
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